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Revelations of a Reformed Radical Dater: The Law of Proximity

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Posted November 7, 2016 by tyeshamoore in Featured
co-workers-dating

“It does not matter,” I began, “how plain, dull, or unworthy he seems, if that man can master the law of proximity, he will accomplish his goal.” No one wanted to admit it aloud but the solemn faces let me know I had uttered a disappointing truth. It was not said to affront them as I have also fallen to this law. I merely wanted to vent. If you are wondering what is the law, it is very simple: The more a man is in your actual presence, he increases his odds of dating success. This has even worked with men I thought were obnoxious. There he would be weeks later dating my same girlfriend who acted as if he was beneath her. Here is the twisted reality: He may have truly been obnoxious but, time and close proximity softened her view of him. Since we are moving into the holiday season of office parties and friendly gatherings, I thought I would share some food for thought.

The Law of Proximity is why some men are “club cute.” He was to your liking in the darkness of the club because you spent a good part of the night pressed together. Being so close for what seemed like a considerable amount of time left you feeling you had successfully accelerated the timeline. This law is also behind “weekend love” and “road trip” love. Men who are good with the law make a smooth transition into Group 1, often so coolly you did not notice it happen.

Men in Group 4 are more prone to use the law, but remember since most men want to be in Group 1, it is open for any man’s use. He knows not to invite himself over too late at night, nor will he invite you out too late in the beginning. Remember he is no idiot, he is not going to scare you away in the infancy stage of the relationship and will instead work his way into your confidence. I have been told men have a strong need for contact. You may have noticed he likes to sit near you, always gets a hug, and may even playfully tap you. He is gauging how much touching is allowed before you grow alarmed. Users of the law are clever and quickly assess their next moves. If he is skilled, you will be seeing each other within only a few short weeks.

So, you say you want to keep him in his group. You claim you keep him out of Group 1 for good reasons and from there he will remain. My suggestions are practical:

1. Do not keep male friends like you keep girlfriends. He is a man so he cannot be one of the girls. No matter how comfortable you are around him, remember he is still a man. This not to say I believe him to be any less feeling or passionate, but you are not going to ask him to go shopping with you for clothes or shoes and offer his opinion. It is wrong to torment a man by having him see you primp and prance around alluringly dressed and know his odds are dwindling.

2. Do not spend a lot time hanging out at his house. At his house he has home court advantage. He will take full advantage of this position. Our odd sense of not wanting to be offensive will persuade us to stay even after we are aware we have stepped into the danger zone. This man knows once you feel comfortable enough to be in house and seem relative at ease, he only has to assure he does not say or do anything too obnoxious and wait for you to crumble.

3. Keep him in his lane. Group 4, men who are like family, is the most difficult to navigate for this, but Group 2 and 3 should be easier. If he is a “No Go,” make an concerted effort not to distinguish him in way that suggests you see him having dating potential. If he is in Group 3, a networking associate, remind yourself to stay focused. Dating your networking connections could encourage a bad reputation for negatively trying to climb the social ladder.


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tyeshamoore


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