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Revelations of a Reformed Radical Dater: No Man Wants To Be Alone

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Posted February 11, 2014 by tyeshamoore in Featured

It was late one night sitting in conversation with family and friends that I heard this uttered with such earnestness, “No man wants to be alone.” The man who said it looked over at me in such a way I instantly knew he believed this wholeheartedly. To be certain I grasped the magnitude of this statement, he repeated it directly to me. It was not that I doubted his statement, I was merely surprised to hear it spoken aloud. He assured me all men desire companionship and not just the kind that lasts for the night. Of course, I let him further explain his perspective and he shared with me that which follows below. (As a disclaimer for those who may disagree, this is one man’s view and he wisely did not profess to speak literally for every man.)

1. Some relationships are not going to work. It, in his opinion, is not due to the reasons we may conclude. He expressed we are not being dumped for a lack of certain physical characteristics. If the man engaged you in conversation that led to dating, that man was already past looking for the unrealistic “perfect” body type. Plus, I was told, he has determined you are appealing. While he can appreciate the sultry siren, he is more concerned with how supportive a woman is of his success and well being. In his opinion, if the man does not feel supported the relationship is ill-fated.

2. Most men stop dating a woman because of a lack of connection. According to my source, a man does not mind talking to a woman or even listening to her if she is loving and supportive. (Note how supportive is becoming a reoccurring theme.) He wants to feel confident they have more than one commonality. A man, I was informed, wants a woman who is well rounded. She does not have to share all his interests but she should not be dismissive of them if they are not harmful to the relationship.

3. A man wants to be able to be a provider. A man, as he stated it, still wants to be the man. He wants to establish himself well enough to take care of his lady and any future family they desire. On occasion, a man may be very interested in a woman but may doubt he has what is necessary to provide for her. In these instances, he may end the relationship rather than expose his perceived weakness. It was not an excuse but an explanation of a sad reality.

4. Love him as is. We had a long, tense conversation about what I call “baggage claim.” We agreed you have the love the person in the present above any future potential. He stated you have the love the man before you now because that may be all there ever is. -He may not expand emotionally, spiritually, or in wealth and prosperity in the ways you imagine. You have to be at ease with that understanding. If the idea of that scares you away, he is not for you.

On this note, we had to conclude our conversation. It had grown extremely late and we did not want to overextend our welcome. I left with a feeling of wonderment. The views shared did not seem improbable, just surprising to hear spoken so frankly to a group. Men desire companionship just as women desire it. In essentials, his perspective was in line with that of my sister-friends. It is my opinion, relationships struggle with points two and four. Even with point three, some of us have a difficult time articulating what we want the man to provide. It definitely shifted my view of male perspectives on relationships. As women we have to be clear, truly clear, about what we desire and be willing to give that which we intend to receive. As it turns out, men only to want to have those same desires met.


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tyeshamoore


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