Where Every Woman Has A Voice


Revelations of a Reformed Radical Dater: Wink or Blink? How to Deflect a Fink

Posted October 7, 2013 by tyeshamoore in Featured

With dating, you have to know your subtle cues and how to manage them. There are several cues to keep a man at bay. Crossed arms, limited eye contact, and being turned away from him let a man know to keep his distance. You appear cross or mean. Without a doubt, he can tell you are not open to being approached. He takes note of this and will either talk to one of your girlfriends to get one last look at you or he will pass you altogether. Meeting someone new is best accomplished when out with one or two girlfriends. Outings involving the whole crew set you up for giving mixed signals because you will naturally gravitate to a friend to start a conversation and give receptive cues as you two merrily chat. This great if you want to meet someone new—not so great as a deterrent for the unwanted. The advantage to the large group is if you stay clustered very few people will approach any of you. I have been told men find the pack overwhelming and want to get you one-on-one as soon as possible.

Of course you are wondering what to do for the man who ignored the cues and still approached you. Keep the conversation short but stay polite. If while talking you realize he still has no chance, try not to look too engaged and whatever you do, try not to touch him. Either of these will bolster his hopes, so make an effort to seem somewhat detached. If all else fails add a girlfriend to the conversation and monopolize the chat in a way that keeps his participation limited. He will catch on if you shift your body toward your girl. At some point, he will discover he has been edged out of the discussion and will make his exit.

My best advice to you is not to give him your phone number under any circumstance. The pity phone exchange causes you agitation down the line as you consistently avoid his calls. You may even find you take his call to pass the time or to address the want of attention. Both are poor ideas. If the first, you knew you did not want to talk to him and were cruel to lead him to believe otherwise. If the latter, you will find yourself in an awkward bind when he wants public acknowledgement or to be more intimate. Tell him you are not interested in him. There is no reason for you both to suffer through a disastrous date you could have avoided. More than likely you are not an unemployed, hungry college student, so you have no reason to go out for free food or the ability to claim you dined at a certain restaurant. I would rather you shorten your acquaintance than sell yourself short. You are setting yourself up for regrets as you wonder why better men do not seem attracted to you. The “better men” are still attracted to you but see you are attached to a dud so they keep their distance.

On a practical level, I believe it a misuse of valuable dating time to heavily invest in a man you do not want. While you are begrudgingly out with Mr. Pity Date, you could have been expanding your network or investing time into your own interests. You are going to find yourself going through the motions and feeling irked if your make dating in this manner a habit. Plus, you are far more likely to meet someone you do like if you are participating in uplifting activities you actually enjoy.

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