Where Every Woman Has A Voice


Forgive Me , Forgive Me Not

Posted March 18, 2013 by tyeshamoore in Featured

It hung in the air all week as if vitalized by new strength–forgiveness was being discussed at every turn. Quietly, I listened as people debated whether all people deserved forgiveness. Most of these conversations supported forgiveness but split over the idea of how much you owe to your “attacker.” All the conversations were from the side of the victim. No one seemed to consider the times when he or she was the attacker. Attacks do not have to be physically violent to be an attack. We have all unintentionally, and at times intentionally, attacked a person with words. What are you to tell yourself in those situations? As I listened, I was surprised my own internal answer was “Forgive me not.” In no way was this answer I expected but, as I gave it more thought it made more sense.

It is my belief that all people must forgive in her/his own way. As I sat listening to one of the messages on forgiveness being shared, I realized too many of us are waiting for the day we can say we were benevolently forgiven for attacking someone. We become overly consumed with worry over begging someone’s pardon. Why do you refuse to forgive yourself until someone else states it is okay to do so? It is the reason “Forgive me not” came to mind. That day may never come. What are you to do then? Ask yourself that question with all seriousness.

Since we have all been the antagonist and felt like the victim at some point, I suggest we attempt to broaden our perspective. In instances in which you have felt like the victim, do not expect or solicit an apology. If one comes, all the better, however, work to expend no effort in waiting or feeling it was due. Forgive yourself for feeling guilty, ashamed, or hurt by the situation. In instances in which you sincerely have been able to recognize your fault, you should apologize. Whether or not that apology is well received is of little consequence. “How is that so?” you may wonder. Keep in mind, that other person honestly has no power over you. The real work is in forgiving yourself. You do not have to hear the other person ever say, “You are forgiven.” You and the person may never resume any sort of relationship. That, too, is okay. Forgive yourself to grant yourself peace. Guilt clouds your judgment and fuels self-doubt. You are deserving of the best life possible. Forgive yourself to work to make it so.

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