Where Every Woman Has A Voice


The Stages of Courtship

Posted April 11, 2012 by felicialavette in Relationships

The stages of courtship do not necessarily occur in a linear order, they can happen in a zig-zag format. Remember, the stages are not equal in length as you progress through the stages of courtship, progressing toward intimacy. This process can take 18 months to two years or more.

Stage I: Selection

When you choose actively or passively select a partner with whom to begin courtship, narrowing the selection can be immediate. More often you will meet an attractive person, and one of you will ask to spend time with the other. You will feel each other out before arranging the first formal date.

State II: Pursuit

What we generally call dating is that awkward time when you are trying each other on for size, aiming to achieve some degree of attachment while holding on to a minimum guarantee you make. During this phase of pursuit, there is no shared agreement over when and/or how long you will be together. There are two parts of this phase: first is seduction then switch.

Stage III: The Relationship

When you share some assumption about the importance of your connection, you have each settled into and acknowledged your increased degree of emotional attachment. You are no longer “dating,” you are “going together.” Within this stage, the relationship is divided into three often-overlapping phases:

The Plateau Phase is a brief or sometimes delightfully prolonged fantasy when you are secure as a couple but has yet to experience conflict.
Negotiation occurs when a couple begins to acknowledge their differences and struggles to develop a manageable way to discuss them.
Commitment is the phase of a relationship in which a couple works, argues, or eases into the decision to marry.
Remember, you will not go through these phases in a straight line from “selection to pursuit” and on to a relationship.


The material was adopted from the book: A Fine Romance: The Passage of Courtship From Meeting to Marriage by Judith Sills, PhD


About the Author


I cringe at the thought of writing my bio, because how can I truly explain how multidimensional I am in just a few short sentences. First, I am a child of God. Next, I am a wife and a mother. My passion is Sister Girl News and educating others. The way to my heart is chocolate, barbeque chicken, and Dr. Pepper soda. My daily goal is to ensure that everyone who meets me always walks away laughing.

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